


Cosmic Intentions

by horrorsapphic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, Destiel - Freeform, Episode Fix- It: s15e17 Unity, Episode Fix-It: s15e18 Despair, Episode Fix-It: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, God!Billie, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29005209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorsapphic/pseuds/horrorsapphic
Summary: When Sam, Dean and Cas realize Billie’s plans for Jack, they race to stop him.In which All of Jack’s fathers express love for him and Billie’s actions actually make sense.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/ Sam Winchester (implied)
Kudos: 7





	1. Unity

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure, I’m keeping some of the lines in certain scenes. The first few scenes in this fic will be canon compliant, for the most part.

Jack doubled over in pain as he made his way towards the hall, holding his weight up by pushing himself against the walls. _I have to make it, I have to._

 _"_ Jack!"

He groaned in pain, trying to pick up the speed. He had to do this. For Sam, for Dean, _for Mary._

"Jack, stop!"

He opened the door to his left, his hand trembling as he hung onto the doorknob for dear life. He got a glimpse of Amara, her eyes wide as she looked at Chuck, who seemed disturbingly at ease, an unmistakable grin on his face as he locked eyes with Jack.

"Here at last!"

Jack knew he should have been alarmed at Chuck’s tranquility, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. All he needed was one shot, and damn it, he was going to take it. He jumped at the feeling of firm hands on his shoulders, pulling him back towards the halls.

“No, let me do this,” he cried out.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Sam said as the boys held him back. Jack fought back with all the strength he had left, his limbs flailing and the pain in his gut growing as Cas and Sam pulled him away from his target.

“You can’t do one thing right,” Chuck said begrudgingly, as Dean held up his gun at him.

“Where’s Amara,” Cas asked, still holding Jack’s arms tightly.

“She left. It seems like I can’t get through to a single one of you stubborn idiots. After everything, the visions, the nightmares, the meddling. Do you know what every other version of you did, when you _gripped him tight and raised him from perdition_? They did what they were told, every single time. But not you. And I’m done with it. I’m done with _you_.”

“What does that mean?”

Chuck gave him a cryptic look. “I’m bored with this universe, but it sure will be fun to see you watch him die,” he said, pointing at Jack. Chuck gave them a small wave goodbye and flew out. If the Winchesters were worried, they didn’t let it show. All they cared about now was saving Jack.

“Hey, I got you. Breathe,” Sam instructed Jack. Each of Jack’s fathers kept ordering him and providing him with words of comfort, making it all but reassuring as the pain blinded him and made it increasingly harder to understand what they were saying. “Leave me,” Jack found himself croaking.

“We’re not letting you die,” Cas said.

“I don’t want to hurt you, please. I can’t hold it back for much longer.”

“What were you thinking?” They all snapped at Billie’s voice.

“You did this. You knew this would happen to him,” Dean said accusingly.

Billie stepped towards them, her expression unmoving. “I only did what was necessary. Jack knew all the risks.”

“Jack is a _kid_ ,” Dean raised his voice, moving menacingly towards her until they were both an inch apart. “He didn’t know the weight of his actions, and it’s on _you_ to keep him safe.”

“Oh? Did he know the _full weight_ of his actions when he opened a portal into another world for you, or when he killed demons and archangels for you? Tell me, Dean, how is that any different?”

Dean flared his nostrils at that. “If anything happens to him, I swear to God I will hunt you down and-“

“Dean,” Sam cried. He looked back to see cracks of yellow all over Jack’s body.

“You know what’s happening to him. Save him, please. I’m begging you,” Cas pleaded. Billie walked over to Jack and cupped his face. He was gone in an instant.

The Winchesters looked around, eyes wide in panic. “Where the hell is he?”

“The Empty. Jack was designed to become a bomb to annihilate cosmic forces. It’s the only place that could absorb the impact of him exploding.”

Dean took the gun from his holster and pointed it at her. “Bring him back.”

“Patience, boys,” Billie said, her face unflinching. “I’ll bring him back, if he survives. And if you give me what’s rightfully mine,” she said, pointing at God’s death book.

“If I give you the book, what’s to stop you from stabbing us in the back,” Sam questioned her. “The Empty told me about your plan to kill us, and everyone we saved from Michael. Anyone who’s ever been given a second chance at life.”

“I want balance restored. Angels in heaven, demons in hell, humans living their assigned life span. You don’t know what you’re risking every time you bring someone out of the afterlife and back to Earth. And you boys are doing it _constantly_. I am simply looking out for the universe.” 

“That’s a load of crap and you know it, you-“

“That’s always been your problem, Dean. You’re too emotional. A few lives mean nothing when there are a million others at stake. Would you have the entire universe cease to exist to save one boy?” With that thought and a wave of her hand, Jack was back, looking pale and on the edge of collapse but _alive._ Cas caught him by his arms and cupped his face. “How do you feel,” he asked, concerned eyes looking for any sign of hesitation. “I’m okay,” Jack reassured him, deciding not to tell them how he had pissed off The Empty.

Sam hugged him immediately after, nearly suffocating him in his embrace. “Don’t do that to us again.” Jack nodded, giving him a small smile. He looked up at Dean, waiting for him to say something, _anything_.

“How touching, but I’m afraid we’re going to have to cut this reunion short. You’re coming with me, boy. You’re still useful,” Billie said, walking over to Jack. Dean immediately tackled her, holding down her scythe when she tried to defend herself. She kneed Dean below his sternum, knocking the wind out of him as he fell back, using her powers to knock Cas and Jack onto the wall. Sam grabbed Billie from behind before she could get up, immobilizing her for a second. Dean swung with Billie’s scythe, moments after she headbutted Sam and kneeled down, but not before he cut her shoulder, leaving a bright blue light. She gasped, clutching her wound, her wide eyes assessing the situation. Before Dean could attack her again, she kicked his kneecap hard enough to twist it at an unnatural angle. He screamed in agony, grabbing his leg to see his bone exposed in the back. Billie disappeared immediately, leaving her scythe on the floor and nearly driving Cas and Sam to collide as they tried to grab her.

“Dean,” Cas cried in a hoarse voice, kneeling down next to him. He slowly hovered his hand over Dean’s kneecap, afraid to hurt him further as he groaned in pain. Cas tried not to react as his powers delayed, praying that they would come through this time. When they did, Cas pulled Dean up, ignoring the flutter in his stomach when he took a second too long to let go of his arms.

“How do you feel?”

“Peachy. Thanks, Cas.”

“Where do you think Billie went,” Sam asked.

“Hell, if I know. But we better get going in case she decides to come back.”

❖❖❖

Jack jumped at the sound of the kitchen door creaking, tensing at the sight of Dean. “Couldn’t sleep,” he explained, after what felt like hours of awkward silence. Jack played with the cereal box, unable to meet his eyes. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the idea of the man who once proudly called him his son looking at him with disappointment and resentment, or looking up to see that he couldn’t look at him at all. Ever since he had killed Mary, Jack was a monster to him, a stranger.

“Dean,” Jack started, his eyes still facing downwards, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Billie’s plan.”

“You damn well should be.” Dean paced around the room, his stiff disposition giving way to his anger. “And you’re lucky we were there to stop it. I mean, what did you think was going to happen? What the hell does _wasting God_ matter if it leaves Billie- God, I just don’t understand how you could be so _stupid_.” He knew he wasn’t mad at Jack, not really. He was angry at himself for not realizing Billie wanted God’s power for herself. He was angry at himself, angry at Chuck, angry at the universe because it never even gave him a chance. All of that trauma, all of the monsters he killed, all of the people he saved _._ What the hell was it all for if it was all written down before he was even born?

“I just wanted to make up for all of it. For killing Mary, for hurting you. I thought maybe if I saved the world, then maybe I’m not the monster that I,” Jack paused, taking a small breath. “that I know I am.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows at that, his gaze hardening. “I want you to understand something. Nothing you can do, _nothing,_ can change what you did. Even if you brought mom back, it wouldn’t erase the fact that _you_ killed her.” Dean sniffed, mustering all his strength to keep his voice even. “You just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that you screwed up and live with it, just like the rest of us.”

Dean promptly grabbed a beer, sniffing as he fought back tears and started walking towards the door. He grabbed the door handle, giving Jack one last look. “I told you I was trying, and I am. But what you did- I’m still hurt, and angry and I think I should have the luxury to grieve my freaking mother. But don’t you ever think for a _second_ that I don’t love you.” Jack looked up at that, his eyes wide with shock. “This family has seen too much death lately. I don’t think we- I don’t think _I_ can afford another loss,” Dean said, his voice shaking. The door opened at that moment, Sam nearly hitting Dean in the arm as he walked in. He cleared his throat, immediately sensing the tension in the room.

”Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m- We’re… I was about to call it a night.” He put his hand on Jack’s shoulder, a small sign of affection Dean hadn’t afforded him in a long time. 

“Dean,” Sam called hesitantly, “Charlie’s here. It’s important.”

❖❖❖

Dean and Cas walked towards Billie, dreadfully aware that they had neither an advantage nor the element of surprise. “Hello boys,” she greeted, not bothering to turn around. “What’s the plan? To kill me with my own weapon?”

“Something like that,” Cas answered before charging with his angel blade. Billie quickly slammed Cas against the wall with her powers, grabbing Dean by his neck from a distance. “You won’t get away with killing our friends,” he said between breaths.

“I didn’t do this,” she answered. Carefully, she grabbed her scythe from Dean’s hands. “Oh yeah, then who did?”

“Who else would have a reason to undo what you did?”

“Chuck,” Dean whispered, his eyes wide. “How can we be sure it’s him? Why should I trust anything you say?”

“Because it’s not just the people you pulled out of the afterlife that are dying. It’s people you’ve saved on your hunts, people you’ve never met, everyone is vanishing. And I don’t have enough power to do that, not anymore.” She dropped Dean and Cas to remove her coat, showing them her arm. The small cut Dean had made with her scythe had spread, her entire forearm infected with the weapon’s magic, manifesting itself in jagged, bright blue lines cutting into her skin.

"I'm dying, so if you don't believe me," she said, sliding her scythe over to Dean. "Put me out of my misery. It won't do you much good anyway."

Dean hesitated. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Why would she lie if she could have just killed them both the moment she had the upper hand? But if what Billie had just explained was true...

“We need to go check on Sam and all the others,” Dean said, his voice faint, unsure. He pointed the scythe at Billie. “And you’re coming with us.” She didn’t reply but moved slowly towards Dean, Cas walking behind her, as they raced towards the Impala.

Dean stepped on it, desperate to get to his family. “If he’s going to keep anyone alive, it’s Sam. I’m guessing he has unfinished business with you two,” Billie said. Cas turned to look at her in surprise, his eyebrows furrowed and squinted eyes searching for any sign of sincerity.

“What about the others,” Dean asked frantically.

“Dean,” Cas said, “It’ll be okay.” It wasn’t like him to give such an empty reassurance, but he hated seeing him like this. Dean’s phone rang, and he used his free hand to answer it. “Sam,” he answered, trying to keep his cool. He could hear Sam breathing harshly on the other line. “Sammy, talk to me. What’s wrong?”“They’re gone, Dean. They’re all gone.”

Dean put down his phone for a second, breathing hard to steady his voice.

“What do you mean?”

“They all vanished. Charlie, Donna, Bobby… just like- just like Eileen” Dean’s heart broke at the sound of his baby brother sobbing. “It’s just me and Jack now.”

“Hey, hey. Just take a breath. We’re almost there. We’ll- We’ll figure something out.”

“Dean, I can’t do this-“

“Don’t do that, don’t you _dare._ We’re gonna be okay, alright? Just…hang in there.” He hung up the phone, sniffing before looking back at Cas.

“They’re gone, They’re all… We’re on our own.”

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas said. “Wait, Billie. You- you said that everyone was vanishing. Does that mean-“

“Claire,” Dean said in panic. He stopped the car, nearly hauling Billie and Cas into the front seat. He called everyone he knew, Jody, Claire, Kaia, to no avail.

“You don’t think they’re-“ Dean trailed off. He looked back at Billie, not bothering to hide the anxiety and grief he was feeling. She looked at him with sympathy, nodding slowly.

“That fucking son of a bitch,” Dean cursed under his breath. He sighed, feeling defeated. With what felt like the last bit of strength he had left, he set off towards what was left of his family. 

They arrived at the bunker, Sam’s eyes immediately going from Billie to Dean in confusion. “Billie’s here to help us,” Dean said, reading Sam’s silent question.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean we can’t exactly trust her.”

“That doesn’t matter right now. We need every person we can get.” Sam looked like he wanted to argue, but he refrained himself.

“Dean, I- I’ve called all our contacts, every hunter we’ve teamed up with, every person we’ve taken a case from. Do you think they’re…”

“They’re not gone. Not if I have any say in it. So, we’ve better get to work,” Dean said, clapping his hands together. “What do we think,” he locked eyes with everyone, waiting for anything even resembling a plan.

“Well, I don’t think there’s anything _to_ do. It’s not like we’ll have the element of surprise,” Sam reasoned.

Billie cleared her throat, grabbing her arm in pain. “Maybe we can create a spell to cloak us for a few hours. Chuck wouldn’t be able to see where we are or what we’re doing for a few days. But that means we can’t plan anything until then. We’d need to be quick.”

“How do we do that,” Dean asked.

“Well… I only know of two people powerful enough to make this work. Rowena and,” Billie turned to look at Sam.

“Absolutely not.” Sam shook his head and stood up. “I’m not using my powers again.”

“Sam, think about this. If there’s a way to save our family, to save the _world,_ we’ve got to take it.”

“Oh, you’re such a fucking hypocrite, Dean. I can’t believe you of all people are telling me to go through with this.”

“I’m just saying, it worked just fine when you opened that portal to hell-“

“And look at what happened! Rowena’s dead.” Sam sniffed, running his fingers through his hair before he turned to look at Billie. “You’re sure there’s not another way?”

“Yes.”

Sam pressed his lips together in anger, then sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“So," Dean started, turning to Billie. “Are you going to Uber Rowena back to Earth or-“

“Yes, but I have to be quick. The more magic I use, the quicker the infection spreads.”

“My heart breaks for you, really.” She glared at him.

“Maybe I can heal you,” Jack offered.

“No. You wouldn’t be healing just any wound. With the amount of power it would take to save me, you would be in no condition to defeat God afterward.”

“Wait, so you’re just going to let yourself die?”

“It’s written on my book, isn’t it?”

“But you were planning to become God,” Dean questioned her.

“The only alternative was letting an equally powerful and emotionally volatile _child_ in charge of the entire Universe. If you ask me, that’s a recipe for chaos.”

“Jack is entirely capable of-“

“Murdering his grandmother? You would give him _more_ responsibility after not even attempting to get his powers under control,” Billie said, interrupting Castiel’s justification.

“That’s enough, alright? He can hear you,” Sam argued.

“Guys, just stop.”

Billie glared at the boys, disappearing for a minute and reappearing with Rowena.

“Hello, boys,” Rowena greeted them. “Castiel,” she smiled at him warmly.

Rowena sighed, opening up the books she needed for her spells.

“Never a dull moment with you Winchesters, is there?” She flipped over the pages for a few minutes, her eyes skimming and working quickly. “Here. It’s not a complicated process,” she said motioning for Dean to come to look. “All we need to do is carve this sigil onto our skins. The real problem is the power it takes to activate it when doing the spell.”

“You absolutely need Sam for this?”

“I’m afraid so. And it’s best we get started right away, with God being omniscient and all.”

“Samuel, dear. It’s always a pleasure to see you,” she cupped his cheek. “I’m sorry it always has to be under these circumstances.” She handed him the book of spells. “Here is the spell we must bind the sigil with.” She took a knife out of her sleeve. “Who’s first?”

Every person in the room stayed silent, looking at the others in hesitation. “I’ll do it,” Castiel said, stepping forward, waiting for further instruction.

“I think carving it in your forearm will do,” Rowena answered. Cas removed his trench coat, rolling up his sleeve. “Alright.”

“This will probably sting. A lot.” Rowena started cutting into his skin, which was painful in its own right, but the real torment began when Sam started chanting in Enochian. The sting of the cut became a sharp burn, growing stronger every second. Jack and Dean winced as Cas groaned in agony. Sam’s words came out harsher and faster in his eagerness to end his friend’s pain until finally, the light that was burning in Cas’ wound fizzled out.

“Did it work,” Cas said in between harsh breaths.

“I don’t know,” Rowena answered truthfully. “I suppose we’ll find out if we don’t die in the next few days.” One by one, they all got their sigils burned into their skin, exacting help from Billie when it was Rowena and Sam's turn.

"What now," Dean asked.

"Now we need to look for Amara. She's the only person powerful enough to track Chuck down."

"You think she'll want to help us after you tried to kill her," Sam asked.

"Maybe if Dean asks her," Billie proposed, raising her eyebrows.

Dean didn’t meet her eyes, embarrassed that she knew about their _connection_. "Alright," he agreed. "But first we get some sleep. I need my four hours." Sam, Dean, and Cas all separated, making sure to get Rowena and Billie's commodities ready before heading to bed. Once everything was ready, Dean stopped by to see how Sam was doing. "Hey," he said after knocking. "You did good today."

"Don't. Not right now," he said, taking off.

“Sammy-“ Dean called, trailing off when he felt Cas’ hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll go after him.” Dean relaxed under his touch, nodding.

“Sam,” Cas called after him, slightly speeding up his pace as he walked down the hall.

“I can’t, Cas. You don’t get it.”

“Then talk to me.”

“After I killed Lilith, after I… freed Lucifer from the Cage, Dean and I ended up on this plane, somehow.” Cas nodded, recalling Dean’s side of the story. “I told Dean I was cured of my… addiction. But I wasn’t, not really. Someone definitely cured me of my withdrawal symptoms but I still needed demon blood. God, I felt like I would die without it. And the worst part is, I had to do the rest on my own. I had to keep everything from my brother because how the hell was I going to tell him that he had another problem on his hands, on top of the apocalypse?”

“Sam,” Cas said, squeezing his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“I just can’t let myself do it again. I thought if I hid behind Dean, if I kept him alive and did my best to make up for my mistakes…”

“Hey, what you did, what you went through, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I know that, I do. I just- Every time I get involved with this stuff someone innocent ends up dead. I can’t risk it again. I don’t want to.” Cas wanted to argue. He wanted to tell him that he was saying the exact opposite of what he had told Jack when he was in his shoes, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good, not now. Cas took a seat next to Sam in his bed, offering him silent comfort, knowing that he would find clarity in the morning.

❖❖❖


	2. The Truth

Dean walked around the field of flowers as he waited. He wasn't sure if Amara was even going to show up, but then he wasn't sure if he knew what to say to her either.

"Dean," Amara said behind him.

"Amara. Long time, no see."

"It's a shame we didn't get to meet before your son tried to kill me."

"We didn't know, you have to believe that."

She gave him a suspicious look, eyeing him up and down. "What do you want?"

"You uh- You know we're trying to... defeat Chuck."

"I'm aware of your plans to kill my brother, yes."

"Look, can you honestly look at all of this," Dean said, waving his arms around to make his point, "And say that this is fair? That it's right? All of these people, all of these animals, all of this life that was created, gone just because he didn't like the way we existed?"

"It's none of my business, this... confrontation between you and Chuck."

"I don't believe you. I think you've come to like Earth. Maybe you've even grown fond of us."

"You don't know what you're asking of me.”

"I'm asking you to save millions of lives."

"Would you do that to Sam if it meant saving the world?"

"Sam's not the one who committed genocide, Amara."

She looked down in shame, pondering his request. “Even if I did help you, how do I know killing Chuck wouldn't just result in the end of the Universe anyway?"

"We have a plan. What Billie made Jack do, what she manipulated Jack into doing," he said, looking into her eyes, “it turned him into a vacuum. He can absorb Chuck's power before we kill him. All we need is for you to tell us where he is."

"And how do I know you won't stab me in the back?"

"I guess you'll have to trust us. You'll have to trust me," he said giving her a warm look, closing the distance between them.

She looked away, gathering her thoughts. "Alright. I'll track him. I’ll… let you know when it’s time.” Amara disappeared, leaving Dean alone.

“Well,” Billie said from behind him.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean exclaimed in surprise, holding his heart as he turned around.

“You need to stop doing that. Were you listening in the entire time?”

“Of course, not. It was already a lot to ask for me to smuggle you in here.” She grabbed Dean, flying him back to where Sam had parked the Impala. “How did it go,” Sam asked.

“She agreed to do it. Said she’d need us on standby.”

“What do we do now,” Jack asked. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was nervous about this entire ordeal. He couldn’t imagine going back to the bunker and patiently awaiting his fated fight with God. Dean gave him a small smile. “Everyone’s gone, right? What do you say we take Jack on his first stay at a five-star hotel?”

It was a long and uncomfortable drive there, but Dean insisted on going to the absolute best hotel within reach. Billie had never been on a car ride before, she had never needed to be. There were annoying things about it, like Dean insisting on blasting his music and competing with its volume by singing loudly, along with the fact that they had to squeeze in four people in the back seat. Jack sat in Castiel’s lap for the first hour, switching with Rowena when his neck had started to cramp up. It was particularly uncomfortable for Billie when Jack eventually succumbed to sleep and used her as a pillow. She had tensed at that, deciding to leave it alone once she locked eyes with Castiel. However, there were nice things about it, too. Billie marveled at the trees, the way the sky seemed to light up the grass, and how beautiful the moon looked during the day. It’s funny, she had spent so much time trying to keep the world in order she never really took the time to experience it.

Dean waved his arms around as if taking it all in. “What do you think, guys,” Dean asked.

“I’ve… never stayed at a place that didn’t smell like mold,” Cas answered truthfully.

“Oh, man,” Dean said, squeezing Cas’ shoulder. “You are long overdue for this.”

“What? I learned a couple of tricks from Katie. Man, she was…What were we talking about?” Sam rolled his eyes at him. “Anyways, let’s set down our stuff, I’ll meet you guys at the pool,” he said, giving each person a key and racing towards his room.

Everyone readily obeyed, their spirits lifted by Dean’s excitement. Slowly but surely, everyone set up in their room and left their bags, the humans eagerly taking a shower before they headed down.

Dean turned around when he saw movement at the corner of his eye, immediately putting on a smile to cover up his pensive look. He raised his hand to show the gang the whiskey he had prepared himself. “Look, guys. We’ve got a fucking mini bar! What do we want?”

“Beer’s fine,” Sam answered, with nods from Cas and Jack.

“Alright, buzzkills. I’m gonna make some burgers while we’re at it.” He pointed at the grill, beaming at the guys. “Awesome.”

Sam, Cas, Rowena and Jack sat down, clinking their drinks and trying their best to play at normalcy and talk about non-apocalypse things. Billie grabbed an extra chair and sat down, eyeing Dean when he slid a beer towards her.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” he said, tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrows.

Billie slowly took a sip of her beer, immediately doing a double-take and spitting it out.

“Humans enjoy this? It tastes like-“

"Crap,” Sam said, knowingly.

“Then, why do you drink it?”

The boys pondered it for a moment, then shrugged and took another sip of their beer.

Once the gang had finished their burgers, they explored the hotel’s pool keepings, taking all of the floaties and balls they had available. Jack, Sam, and Dean attacked each other with the floaties, Rowena and Cas looking at them fondly from their chairs. Billie wasn’t sure what to do with herself, so she sat down near Cas and Rowena and tried to copy their movements, wincing at the taste of her beer once more. She got up to throw it out once she was done, getting caught in the fight and thrown into the pool with a yelp.

She looked back at Dean, a man she once believed to be a violent instrument of destruction, looking at her with wide eyes and the biggest smile on his face that she had ever seen on him as he held back laughter. She saw everyone either looking up in a similar fashion or smiling at the boys fondly, and she understood.

❖❖❖

“I wish Mary was here to see this,” Jack said absently. The gang had spent all day ignoring the pit in their stomach, just faint enough to be pushed down, but they couldn’t quite forget it. It was just him and Billie, now.

Billie looked at Jack, observing him. He was a dangerous Nephilim, with the potential to be more powerful than God himself, but when she observed him now all she could see was a teenage boy, his youthful features giving way to how scared he was despite his composure. She wondered what he was afraid of. She had reaped him once, before. He seemed at peace then. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, but she stopped herself. Billie was never one to consort herself with mortal affairs.

“What was she like,” she found herself asking. Jack looked at her in surprise, raising his eyebrows. His look wasn’t suspicious, like Castiel’s had been, or full of contempt like Dean. His eyes were full of kindness as he gave her a warm smile, his thoughts running towards her grandmother.

“She was very kind. She had this very… calming presence. She had Dean’s competitiveness, though. We didn’t spend a lot of time together that didn’t require us to focus so much on not dying, but I remember she would try her best to take care of me. She would make sure I knew that she believed in me and she would try to distract me during our time in… the apocalypse. I don’t think anyone but Castiel has ever had that much faith in me.”

“You miss her.” Jack nodded sadly.

“If you could take it all back, would you?” She moved around in her seat, playing with her jacket in an attempt to ignore the discomfort in her chest.

“Of course.” Jack knew by the look on her face that this was a test, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t help being emotional when it came to his family.

“Isn’t that selfish? Wouldn’t that mean that you would be ripping her from eternal peace? All of that for… this?” Jack pondered her statement for a moment.

“That makes sense. But what about the people who were meant to go to heaven but are sent to purgatory or hell instead? Am I supposed to just accept that because it’s the rules?”

“The balance of the Universe is what’s most important,” Billie argued, repeating the lines that had been fed to her since she came to exist, her words sounding empty this time. She glanced at Jack, pondering the many times his entire family had died and done everything to save each other from eternal damnation. She could not imagine such love and loyalty to hold much value in the grand scheme of things. Now, she admired it. Or maybe she always had.

“You’re a lot like your fathers, you know,” Billie said, giving him a warm smile. She tried to breathe in then, immediately feeling a sharp pain in her heart. Billie breathed in ragged gasps, falling from the chair and on her knees. “Billie? What’s happening?” Jack looked around in panic, yelling out for help to anyone who could hear him.

Billie opened her coat, Jack gasping at the sight. The bright, blue lines that had been digging into her arm and shoulder had spread to her chest, turning a brighter color as it corrupted her body. Slowly, she used her shaking hands to pull herself up. She looked at Jack, giving him a hard look.

“Don’t. If you value your family’s life at all, let me die.” Jack hesitated, his hands shaking and his lip trembling. He closed his eyes as Billie cried out in pain. He looked back at her, his green eyes turning a bright yellow as he raised his hand to her.

“No,” she cried out in a hoarse whisper.

Jack’s power wrapped around her, until all she could see was yellow. Her pain quickly subsided, accompanied by a soothing warmth that faded away as quickly as it came. Billie blinked rapidly as she came to the dining room. She looked around, adjusting her eyes to the setting once more.

“You fool,” she told him. Jack said nothing, his thoughts interrupted when Dean came running through the door. “What the hell was that?” He looked at Jack, then at Billie, his eyes wandering to her shoulder.

“Dean she was- she was dying. I had to heal her.” He looked between them, processing.

“What about Chuck,” Dean asked, addressing Billie.

“I don’t know if he’s still powerful enough to hold him.”

“But there’s a chance he can?”

“A very small one.”

“You don’t think it’ll work,” he observed.

“No.”

Dean laughed sarcastically, backing out of the dining hall. He walked as fast as he could, trying to keep his anxiety at bay. He scratched his head, trying to ignore the pins he felt in his brain as he bumped against someone.

“Dean.”

He ignored him, racing to his room and slamming the door shut with more force than he intended. Dean paced around the room, his hands shaking. He grabbed the sides of the dresser and tried to steady his breathing, but the sharper breaths he took, the more the room around him started spinning as he fell to his knees. Dean grabbed his chest, remembering a time when he had seen Lilith before him, telling him all the ways she would personally see that they would cut into him, all the things that she would make him do, how he would surely break again because he is broken and evil and weak. He almost wished he could take on that pain again if it meant the weight of this world would be lifted off his shoulders. He hadn’t just failed Charlie or Bobby, he had failed billions of people. It was his responsibility to keep them safe and he couldn’t even do that. Dean punched the wall with what little strength he could muster. _I should have been there. I should have stopped him._

Dean hated himself for all the thoughts that raced through his brain. For all he knew, if Jack had saved Billie, he had to have seen something in her worth saving. Some good in her that even Dean didn’t know she had. He sighed and lowered his head into his hands, his breathing coming a little easier as his whole body shook. He just wanted this to be over.

Dean flinched as he heard a knock on the door. “Dean,” Cas called on the other side. He didn’t know how long it had been since he had entered his room. It had to have been fifteen minutes at least. It felt like longer. Had Cas been waiting outside the entire time?

Dean covered his ears as he heard another knock, muttering that he would come in a minute. He stayed on the floor for a little longer, until he felt like he was composed enough to get up. He walked slowly towards the door, taking a deep breath before he opened it.

“Hey.” He looked at Cas as if he was looking at him for the first time, or maybe for the last. For all he knew now, it very well could be. Cas paid no mind to this, practically pushing him aside as he entered his room.

“Getting real comfortable now, aren’t we, Pattinson,” Dean said, giving him a weak smile. Cas simply stared him down, giving him that damned look that makes him feel like he can see right through him.

“I was worried about you.” Cas looked at Dean, first noticing how pale he had gotten, and looked down at Dean’s arms, still shaking from the panic attack. “You look like shit.”

“Yeah, well. Thanks for sugarcoating it.”

“You’re human. You’re allowed to need a break sometimes.”

“Not when you’re us,” he said bitterly. Dean sighed. “Um, Jack used up all his mojo to heal Billie.”

Cas nodded, processing. If he was panicking at all, he didn’t let it show.

“You’re not worried?”

“We’ve won battles with worse circumstances. This can still work right?”

Dean nodded, trying to push away his past anxiety. “Maybe, but we need a Plan B.”

Cas pretended not to act like he hadn’t already been thinking about this for a long time, but after twelve years of friendship, Dean knew him better than that. “What is it?”

Cas shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

“Well, too freaking bad, I’m not letting you do anything stupid.”

They stared at each other, having a silent argument with their looks. Dean hardened his gaze, unwilling to budge. Cas sighed, conceding defeat.

“I made a deal with The Empty.”

“You _what_?”

“I had to, to save Jack. I think if I summon it can take Chuck, or at least hold him back if he’s injured enough.”

Dean pondered this, a million thoughts racing through his head. “What’s the catch?”

Cas hesitated. “My grace.” He didn’t look away from his gaze, afraid Dean would call him on his bluff.

“You’d be willing to do that?”

“Of course. I-I’m sorry that I won’t be of much use afterward, but with my-“

“Stop that. You’re more than that, Cas, you know you are.” Dean said, grabbing Cas’ shoulders, their faces now no more than three inches apart from each other. His impulse was to clear his throat, pat him on the back, anything to downplay the fact that he was using all of his manpower to not look down at Cas’ lips. “Ah, fuck it,” he said, looking away from Cas for a second. He could have left it at that, God knows any other day he would have. Dean still had time to play it off with a pat on the shoulder, maybe utter an I love you and a buddy at the end to soften it up. But they were going up against God himself, and if there was any time to come clean, it was now.

“Cas, you’ve been here every step of the way, even when we didn’t deserve it. Hell, I know _I’ve_ taken you for granted. And I need you to know that I didn’t keep you around because of your mojo, or whatever. You’re my best friend, man. You’re family. And I-“ Dean gulped, choking on his words. “I love you, man. “I’m _in_ love with you.”

Cas didn’t know how to react. For Millenia, he had never known what it was to long for anything or anyone. Dean taught him what it was to want someone, to love them wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Cas had always assumed Dean didn’t want him, not in that way, and he thought he was content with just existing near him, marveling at how beautiful he was and how wonderful it was to exist near him, to feel seen by him, to be loved by him, in whatever way that was possible to Dean. Cas let out a breath, wanting to hold onto Dean for dear life. Every touch he allowed himself was agony, so he stepped back. As much as he wanted him he couldn’t have him. He couldn’t risk explaining the situation to him either, the Empty might just take him anyway, and neither of them could afford that right now.

“Dean, I can’t. I’m sorry. Can we… talk about this later?”

Dean stepped away from him, his ears were red from the embarrassment. “Yeah, it’s-” he said, forcing a smile. “It’s not like I expected anything different, I just wanted you to- um. I’m gonna go. I have a lot to go over with everyone,” he said, giving him an awkward finger gun.

Dean walked away, chastising himself for being such a fucking idiot. _Of_ _course,_ Cas didn’t love him like that. He wasn’t even sure Cas could feel love for other men. Even if he could, he had seen every detail of his life before they met, every single awful thing he’d done. All the tricks he used to pull to keep food on the table, all the times he spent ditching women, the time he spent in hell. Sure, Cas wasn’t perfect, but he was just so _good._ How could he possibly consider being with someone like him?

He closed the door behind him, pushing his self-hatred and longing way down, barely noticing Amara when she appeared in front of him.

“What is it with immortal beings and not knowing how to warn people?”

Amara scrunched up her face as a retort. “It’s time. We need to gather everyone and leave _now_.”


End file.
